So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
