Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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