Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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