bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize