If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
