Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
