At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
