It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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