Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
