he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
