I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize