Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
