Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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