wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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