I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
