After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
