Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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