Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
