And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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