she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
