Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The adults are the big ones right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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