Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
