youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
