Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
