Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
