I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
