I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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