I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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