How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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