the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
