She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
