She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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