dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
