bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
