walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
