I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
