His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
