My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
