i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
