she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
