WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
