Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize