This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
