so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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