i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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