Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
