Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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