with your own penis?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
