I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize