They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
