Your dad touched me again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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