Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize