So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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