so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
