They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
