i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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