shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
