theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The power of my boobs compel you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
