Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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