I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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