so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize