I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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