we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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