Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
